Finding a balance between hope and reality
There’s this strange space you enter when you’ve been given pretty hard and fast evidence that your baby is not going to live. Particularly if you’re a Christian.
On one hand there’s the science before you – a test right down to chromosome level that tells you your baby is not compatible with life because of a chromosome translocation that causes major brain, heart, and lung development issues.
And on the other hand, we have a hint of hope that either the docs have got it all wrong, or God will step in big time and change the outcome through healing.
Yep. Either of the above would be awesome. But just how much weight do you put on hope?
I’ve got to say, the idea of healing makes me a tad edgy. Not because I don’t believe wholeheartedly that God can’t pull out all the stops and make that happen – I believe full well that he can. But because often in the pursuit of hope and healing, all reality is lost.
I’ve seen it before in friends’ and family’s experiences with illness and death. When the pursuit of healing and the fervent belief that it WILL happen eclipse the reality of life and death, it can cut much deeper than the loss itself.
So do I give up all hope and just think that God flips a coin over whether to heal or not? No way. I can still pray, petition and plead with him over this. But at the same time I know that not everything in this world plays out how we want it to. There’s a much bigger picture beyond the here and now, and God knows that reality.
Do I believe God CAN heal my baby? No doubt about it. He’s bigger and mightier than we know.
Do I believe he WILL heal my baby? I’ll have to wait and see, and know that whether he does or not it’s no reflection on the level of my faith or how much or little I prayed.
Now I’m not necessarily right on this… just some thoughts, especially lately with some of the results back from recent scans.