Sharing not so happy news

baby not compatible with life

In the last few weeks it's felt like life moves on for everyone else, but it’s staying dead still for us. There is no excitement in announcing this third child. No creative Facebook update. No ‘did you hear that they’re pregnant?!’ being spread around our circle. Because this isn’t news anyone wants to share. Not even us.

We’ve mulled over how to tell people so many times and have had many awkward moments even just telling the few people we’ve got to so far.

Here’s the thing, when you tell someone you’re pregnant you have a millisecond to add the crucial word “BUT” as you’re sharing the news. “We’re XX weeks pregnant…” but before you can even say “BUT the baby’s not going to live” they’re already congratulating you and cheering you on. And then it becomes a clear case of how to make someone feel bad!

Another thing I didn't expect was that the people you're telling often get way more emotional about it than you do. Understandable as they've only had seconds to process it, and we've had weeks. Plus, I'm a rather unemotional person! But it is a weird phenomenon consoling others and handing them tissues as you share your bad news! All good though, you know it's out of sadness for you.

Sharing the news is important though - we don't want want to hide away (and that's getting pretty impossible with the expansion of my 19 week tummy...). Plus if you hide your story, I feel like there will be more questions and hurt later on having to explain things to anyone and everyone.

So that's part of why I'm writing this blog... I really didn't want to write it, but it just makes it easier to explain things and decisions we’ve made and keep the communication going with people who are too far away, too afraid to ask or just want to know how we're getting on without prying.

We know it's awkward to talk about - probably more so for you than us. But I'd encourage you to keep the conversation going. It's healthy and it makes the person going through it feel like life does continue as normal and someone actually cares!

#chromosometranslocation #notcompatiblewithlife #stillborn